Turning Regrets into New Beginnings

If only I hadn’t said this and done that. If only I had a second chance; If only I could take everything back. If only I could undo or erase it from history. Wishing to go Back to the Future cannot undo what happened to us regardless if past events were shaped by our own actions or by the actions of others. Regrets leave a legacy of guilt, shame, self-hatred, and depression. Regrets put us at risk of losing hope for the future by holding us back from receiving God’s love and mercy. In the wake of regret we cannot see what God might be doing through these painful events.

I remember St. Peter in the courtyard where he denies knowing Jesus three times, even when the Roman guards brought Jesus out. St. Luke (22:61-62) tells us that “The Lord turned and looked at Peter, and he remembered the word of the Lord, how He had told him, "Before a rooster crows today, you will deny Me three times." And he went out and wept bitterly.” Peter is overwhelmed with feelings of shame and guilt. He is not the person he thought he was; the person he prided himself to be – loyal and true. “Lord, I am ready to go with you to prison and to death!” (Luke 22:31) Peter meant it when he said these words, but his actions proved otherwise. Peter’s self-image is shattered and he feels worthless.

“Behold, I make all things new” are hopeful words revealed to the disciple John recorded in the Book of Revelation (21:5). I heard these words spoken in Mel Gibson’s movie -- The Passion of the Christ. There is a powerful scene when the Blessed Mother runs to meet Jesus who has fallen a third time under the weight of the cross. Mary touches Jesus’ bloody and bruised face and he looks into her eyes and speaks words meant for all of us, “Mother, behold, I make all things new.”

Strangely, this scene doesn’t look like a picture of success. Rather, it appears that all the plans and dreams of a new Israel are lost. Jesus is disgraced and soon to be put to death. Still these words hold the promise that we can begin again and be made new. They are charged with the heart’s deepest longing for a fresh start. The sense of tragedy doesn’t last; the news that the tomb is empty spreads; death could not keep Jesus captive. All things are indeed made new by the crucifixion, death, and resurrection of Jesus.

Perhaps life didn’t turn out the way we had planned. The dreams we had for our life, marriage, family, career, health, and fortune are unfulfilled. Perhaps parts of our lives are fractured by abuse, addiction, loss, illness and death. Do we cling to what should have been or could have been? Each of these experiences put us at risk of living our life trapped in a bundle of regret with resentment, bitterness, and loneliness as our constant companions.

What does Peter do after his regrettable act? Does he hide his face forever? Is he destroyed by self-pity?  Does he lose all heart; perhaps kill himself, as Judas did (who was also wracked by shame and grief)? Unlike Judas, Peter clings to Jesus as never before.   Soon after the resurrection Jesus reveals himself to Peter and the disciples by the sea.  Peter leaps out of the boat and runs to Jesus as soon as he recognizes him. Peter’s sorrow leads him to seek Jesus’ healing grace. Later Jesus asks Peter three times, “Do you love me?” "Lord, you know everything. You know that I love you," Peter responds. "Then feed my sheep,” replies Jesus. Peter becomes truly the “rock” on which the Church is built. Nothing is so bad in our lives that God can’t bring good out of it.

Do you long for a fresh start? We can use our feelings of sorrow to invite God’s help to liberate us from past regrets. A Catholic psychotherapist, Jim Benefield, discovered a spiritual exercise that can help attain freedom from past regrets and turn them into immeasurable graces. By using our holy imagination as a form of prayer, we resolutely surrender all our lifelong regrets into the providential hands of Jesus. Here we let God’s grace flow through us opening the door to healing and total freedom from the bondage of living in regrets. Our deepest longing to begin again and made new is fulfilled. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away, behold, the new has come. (2 Cor 5:17)

Journaling with Jesus

What regrets do you need to hand over to God? Ask Jesus for his help to surrender your situation and for his grace to renew you.

Where in your daily life do you experience the Lord’s presence more powerfully? Thank Jesus for his providential care.

Are you ready to receive fresh hope in Jesus promises to make all things new?

Nina Rizzo, PhD is the Founder of Open Door of Faith that offers spiritual retreats uniquely designed for the RCIA Ministry and Special Topics for Christian groups. Retreats are designed to help individuals enter into the mystery of faith, become aware of God's presence, and listen to Jesus' voice as they discover the Lord's call to conversion, discipleship, and service. Each retreat invites people to encounter Jesus through Scripture reflection, interpersonal sharing, and prayer journaling.